The snow has melted F I N A L L Y. The trees have been budding for the last few weeks (which means Josh has suffered) and I've heard that because we had such a long winter (some say the longest in 100 years?!! lucky us!), there are three trees that actually have been budding at the same time instead of weeks apart. That being said, I was glad we brought a large amount of Zyrtec! Lauren suffered a little bit due to it all, but we are blessed to have a doctor who is a parent of Lauren's classmate, thus my student, and they go to Tomy church. She comes and visits us and doesn't charge a penny. Who gets to claim that?!! She and her husband (who is the chief Urologist at the Tomaszow hospital) had us over for coffee and sweets a few months ago and it was apparently a huge step for her husband as he speaks little English and he also doesn't go to church with the family. She has the strongest English and a zealous faith. I mention this family because I want you to know who God has brought into our lives here in Poland and who has been a blessing to us. This family certainly has!
Speaking of families, remember the family we've grown very close to here... the family of my principal? We had another dinner outing at their house (but this time we brought food- tacos- and treated them!) and since the snow had (did I mention FINALLY?!) melted, we took a nice leisurely stroll out in the countryside and along the river with them. It was very relaxing. The next morning, they ALL came to church. I mention this because the father has basically only come to church 1-2 times a year. Something is stirring!!!
Now that there is consistent sunshine, green, flowers blooming and warmth in the air, I feel a blanket coming off me. I'm going to be honest and say that near the end of our "long" winter, I was feeling it... emotionally, spiritually, and well, physically as I've definitely put on a few extra pounds! I was having a hard time, but feel l'm moving into a better place with it all.
My educational background is with cross-cultural acquisition and although everyone goes through the same stages, the time in which you go through them is different for everyone. I think I've been going through one. Wait, I know I have. And it's hard to navigate through a sea of emotions.
Life is hard as a missionary. I don't know if I could even call myself a missionary in the traditional sense. I've basically took my skills, talents and passions that God's given me and just stepped into a different culture and school. My gospel message is still the same as in NH... I earn the right to be heard by pouring all I am into teaching the best I know how and can. It's hard to go any further here, however, because even if I've "earned the right to be heard" by someone, I can't speak out my love for Christ. I don't know Polish! I'm honestly not even able to help build the local church because of my language barrier. I just sit there Sunday after Sunday and take up space. I know, that seems harsh, but it's a glimpse in my heart and thoughts of things I've wrestled with. Josh gave up so much to come here, yet we knew God CALLED us to come. We raised up support, people who would partner with us in the ministry here, but (like many western "missionaries") struggle with what we will "show" for it. Many of you reading this have made sacrifices financially for us to be here, to bless us, to bless the ministry we are serving alongside... it's natural to want to communicate and "show"some dividends of what you've sacrificed for, right?!! And I mean "Kingdom" show and tell. BUT, then I scold myself for thinking that way because I know, I know... it's HIS show.... not mine. :)
I speak of families, individuals whom God has blessed in our lives. I know God has also used us to bless their lives, but it's just so darn easy to let the Enemy tear you down and speak lies of ineffectiveness. Speaking of lies, this brings me to another area I've really struggled with: teaching all day.... and I mean literally, most days, ALL day. I just simply can't keep doing it. PLUS, there's so much that I haven't been able to do, didn't do, and won't get to with the girls' education.
Here's my day: I teach at Tomek 5 classes a day. Most days, I am using my 2 hour plan period at the school, so that's 7 hours at the school. The girls and I come home... THEY get 30 minutes of "rest" and I get 30 minutes to go through their work that I had to prepare for them to do in the school that day. I check how they did, what they did, and well, you get the idea. Because THEN I have to "teach"... and I don't know if it's because we are in a unique situation where they are at a school all day... doing school work independently (if they can), and then come home to do "school" again. I have been struggling with it all... and with a personality like mine, it's not a good mix. I'm a teacher, so I'm naturally much harder on myself. The girls are either zombies or bouncing off the wall like their preparing for a circus. Either one, it's a struggle to do any teaching with them. Bottom line, I just can't keep doing it. I am SO TIRED!
And going back to the language piece, for someone who's lived here for 10 months, I'm not that far along in understanding or speaking Polish in social situations. Really, not much at all. BUT... our situation is different than most... I teach English all day, I come home to an English speaking family and I have to continue "teaching"... in English! It's my responsibility to keep the girls' education up to par, so that's a lot of pressure... it's not like I have a whole lot of time to invest in studying and learning the language! I guess I have a different perspective now for families that move to America... we can be really hard on people who don't learn the language. I guess all I can say now is it's best to really understand their day to day life... and it's not fair to make a judgement call without knowing what their life if really like first. Most people have no idea what it's like until they've tried it themselves. I feel bad that I don't know more Polish and THAT has weighed on me. If you plan to be in another country more than 1 year, you HAVE to build language learning into your day to day life and make it a priority. AND, if you don't early on... it's really hard to adjust to doing so later on. I had to come to terms with that it just simply wasn't a priority for our purpose being here.
Well, I had no idea that I would end up "bearing my soul" and I apologize for making this post more a "Dear Diary" than an "update" on all that's super and grand here!!! Therapeutic I guess.... and thanks for listening. I just went back and added to the post title "Enjoying Spring" with "Bearing the Soul". Seemed a bit more appropriate!! Blessings...
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